im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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