She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
