My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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