matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
