It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
