he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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