Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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