she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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