This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
