So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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