I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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