ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need water and some morals
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
