i already hear my dad disowning me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He passed out mid-signature
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
