He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
