when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize