It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
