I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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