Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
