where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
