he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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