This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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