I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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