So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
