Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
