He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Randomize
