i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize