Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
love makes seman taste better
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
