I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize