literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
