Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize