apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
