My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
