Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
