I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
