WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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