I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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