Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
