i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
