just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
