I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
