I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
