I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
