$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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