Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

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(914): View more from New York

i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

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(912): View more from Georgia

I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.

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(440): View more from Ohio

uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

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(817): View more from Texas

No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...

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(206): View more from Washington

Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS

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(310): View more from California

How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?

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