so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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