Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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