lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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