I am puke
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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