This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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