Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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