I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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