How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
