Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
