I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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