I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
