I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
