Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
