well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
