4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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