I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
