I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
