Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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